In this show, Simon covers such topics as:
• The joy/agony of auditions
• Being the white guy in a black band.
• How to look dignified – a masterclass in orchestral trombone.
• What I play, and how it fits in with the music.
• The Art of dance as it applies to playing in a function band.
• Coming second, the art of working with your betters.
• Woodshedding where there is no shed – or how to find somewhere to practice
• Fielding the “what do you actually do for a living” question. without looking insulted.
• Trombone – should it be taken seriously? Should the trombonist be taken seriously?
• Making it up as you go along – jazz and the trombone.
• Farting. Why you should never stand behind the trombone section.
• Industrial Deafness. Why you should never sit in front of the trombone section.
• Marching Bands. Never taking a backward step.
• Military Bands. How to fool your commanding officer into thinking that he’s in charge.
• Jam sessions, the great leveller that shows how unequal we really are.
• Cultural appropriation. The trombone is a misfit for western culture. Why not invade someone else’s?
• The trombone and aging. How to know when you’re past it.
• CV’s – how they work for at least half of the first gig.
• The advantage of being not too good.
• Dealing with discrimination when you’re a white heterosexual male. In a profession run by white heterosexual males.